Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
