I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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