Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
