I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
