yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
