Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
