thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
