Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
