Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
where are my eyebrows?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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