I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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