You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
