I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
