her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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