you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
