i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
