and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
