and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
