I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
