My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we should paint friendship bongs
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