I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
