Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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