You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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