So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone shattered a urinal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize