I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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