I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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