I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
