I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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