One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
