butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So squirting runs in the family.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
