My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
