look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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