he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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