I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize