are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
