Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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