i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's the barista slut.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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