The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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