i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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