He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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