hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
