Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
