Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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