Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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