I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
