my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
