did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize