so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
