Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
