I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
