he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
