it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
