my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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