We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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