During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont even know how to be here
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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