just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will be naked everywhere
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
