new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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