HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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