When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
