If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
