you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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