How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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