i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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