My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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