I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
