I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
