someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
