Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
