I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
