soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
